I think I could see it coming.
Now that I look back, there were signs. Lights were flashing, alarms were sounding, and family and friends were trying to make me aware of the imminent danger.
However, just as I had always done, I allowed the signs to whiz right by me. I never stopped or even slowed down enough to register any of the warnings.
Burnout was a word or condition I associated with others. Never myself. I recall joking that I had no time for burnout. I was too busy being busy. I was the queen of covering up pain with productivity, and yes, it did catch up to me.
In January 2016, I lost my mother and everything stopped. My world stopped turning, my productivity ground to a halt, and all my busy work just did not matter anymore.
I wrapped a blanket around myself, told my family to have a good day each morning as they left the house and curled up in my chair.
Two months would pass before I began to emerge from my nest and start to reflect on life “before”. I thought a lot about the woman I was and the woman I needed to become.
I felt unfulfilled.
I felt like a fraud.
I was missing out on life. I missed my family and friends.
I was tired. And I was tired of being tired. So many years had passed in a blur and regret was settling into my soul.
I didn’t want that life anymore. I wanted more and I felt deep down that I was meant for more.
As I began to consider what “more” really meant, some ideas emerged:
I wanted to live authentically; I was tired of the hustle.
I wanted to know my true purpose.
I wanted to support others in a deeper way. Many of the preceding years had been dedicated to working with business owners, but now I wanted to be very deliberate.
I no longer wanted to go through my life just reacting to circumstances.
It came down to this:
I WANTED TO LIVE AN INTENTIONAL LIFE.
I WANTED TO LIVE AN EPIC LIFE.
As it turned out, it wasn’t so easy. I had formed habits that were so ingrained that most of the efforts I made on my own resulted in me falling back into old patterns. I would just end up feeling disillusioned and discouraged.
I came to realize that if I was truly going to change my life, I couldn’t do it on my own. I had tried that for years and it had led to burnout. Learning to live intentionally was going to require new skills that I just did not possess.
I NEEDED HELP.
When I finally found the courage to reach out and get support, everything changed.
I found a coach who helped me find clarity, put actions around my new intentional life and stayed with me throughout the journey.
I rediscovered who I was designed to be.
I discovered my purpose, and the exhausting fog I had been living in has dissipated.
I am now intentionally living my Epic Life.